We made it to church on time this morning. (did you hear that Hallelujah Chorus?!) It was so nice to be there for more than one worship song, and since my mom had Micah in her lap, and Norah was falling asleep on my shoulder, I was actually able to close my eyes and worship.
Until all the sudden I thought, “What in the world are these words coming out of my mouth?!” Something about kindness and rivers. I felt confused. This was a hymn, wasn’t it? Shouldn’t I be able to figure out what I’m singing about? Try as I might, I just couldn’t do it. There may have been a slight possibility that the grammar was incorrect on the power point, but I have been smart before. I taught English for a couple years, so I can read through some missing commas. I had a glitch going on here.
In the past, when mom brain has taken over and I am too tired to dive deep like I’ve been able to before, I have gotten mad at myself. How is it that I can recall every single word to the Bulldozer Truck Tunes song, but can’t keep concentration long enough to get the meat out of one hymn? I feel like sometimes I’ve taken a step back to the milk stage of Christianity, instead of staying in the meat stage. I don’t mean that in a negative way, like I’m not growing or like moms in general can’t handle the meat of Christianity. No way! But for myself, it seems like God’s allowed me to go back to the basics as I’ve had kids.
I guess that’s the point of my post today. When I wobbled through that hymn this morning, I felt no condemnation for it going over my head. The Lord encouraged me that in these days, going back to the basics is like going back to my first Love. Because I am focused on explaining Jesus Christ in the simplest terms to my kids, I get to enjoy the simple Gospel too – Love, the cross, repentance, and redemption. When it comes down to it, the Gospel isn’t a bunch of rules and rituals, complicated steps and appeasements. The Gospel is simple and straightforward. As I focus on that, instead of all of the side angles and differences of opinions, I see it’s transforming power in my own life.
I love to chew on the meat of the Bible, and I’ll be honest with you, I’m excited for the days when I get more sleep and more time to devote to that. But for now, I am equally excited to see the simple and beautiful Gospel still working miracles in and around me. Going back to my first Love and living slowly enough to process the love and kindness of Jesus into my every day allows me to understand the beauty and (ironically) the depth of that sacrifice. I am thankful for this slowing down. Thankful for the tiredness that keeps me from being distracted by the literary connections and symbolism. Thankful for the interruptions that remind me that Jesus is present in real life, not just in my quiet time. And thankful for the steady stream of examples of His love and forgiveness, as I learn to show the same love and forgiveness to my children. God is good to us. He continually keeps us close, knowing where are hearts are and what kind of growth and encouragement we need. Regardless of what our lives are like, He invites us to participate in His simple Gospel. And that is also what I’m thankful for. That His kingdom is open to me and He invites me along, even when I’m too tired to understand the words I’m using to worship Him.