I’m not sure if this is true of every mom, but when I became a parent, my spiritual life had a freak out. Maybe you can picture this with me:
Pre-baby, I spent uninterrupted time reading my Bible and praying. I could focus on a verse and really chew on the meat of it. I felt God speaking to me, either directly to my spirit or through scripture. I could remember what I had learned the day before and each day I felt like I grew and grew and grew.
But becoming a parent changed all that. I never have a minute to myself. When I do, I have to choose between taking a shower and spending time with God, and honestly, a shower wins 9 times out of 10. I don’t have the time to chew on the meat of a verse, and when I do read, half the time I have to figure out what the context is because I have no idea in the world what it’s talking about. I never remember what the last thing I read was, even if it miraculously happened to be read yesterday. Also, my attention span is about the length of a Touch and Feel picture book.
All this to say, and I’m pretty sure you understand, I don’t often hear Him speaking anymore. Yes, I feel His grace and help, and I know He is with me, but that fresh word from Him is lacking. BUT! This morning Julie texted me Isaiah 40:11.
He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.
The context is a prophecy about Jesus, and it almost all has to do with His power, might, and sovereignty. But inserted in this majestic display of Awesome is a verse about Jesus’ tenderness toward us, about His gentle leading of those “with young.” He makes time, not to just train or correct, but to gently lead us, carrying if necessary.
I teared up because I often feel like God is stern toward me, expecting me to magically be able to spend quality time with Him. That is not His character. His grace and understanding for this season of my life are beyond my understanding, and His desire for me is to let Him gently lead. And like a lamb, I must simply listen and obey. No guilt, no condemnation, no tricky steps to follow. He knows my life and He knows my heart. I can breathe a sigh of relief. And then I can simply follow where His feet go.